he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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