After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
