I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize