I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
