Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
