considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
