Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
