Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize