I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
