Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
