ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
