You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
