im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
