Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
