We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
