tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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