your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
