I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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