I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
