you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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