dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
