wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize