Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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