How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
