she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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