me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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