i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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