After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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