dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This girl is more easily done than said...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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