Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Alive.
So much puke
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
