dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
