I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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