Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
