you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
