for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Let's paint friendship bongs
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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