just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
