the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
