OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
