You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
