He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
