Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
