I heard we made out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
