Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
