Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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