R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
