sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
