he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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