Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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