I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
