You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
