and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
