it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
