He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
