Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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