Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I would ride that face into the sunset
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
