piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Too much gin, very little bucket
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize