fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i barfeds in our rink
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
