I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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