hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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