I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
