Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
