census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
