If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize