Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
