I looked at my own cervix.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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