I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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