im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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