I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
