pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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