dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
