I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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