It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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