When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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